Green Treehouse

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve heard someone say this about boys, usually in the context of toddler boys. As a mom of an almost preschool age boy and a preschool age daughter, I’ve known from early on that boys and girls are different. Very different, especially emotionally. Somehow (in the midst of my latest book binge) a copy of Dr. Bonnie Macmillan’s Why Boys are Different and How to Bring Out the Best in Them (Barron’s, 2004), made its way into my reading stack. A fascinating read. So interesting in fact, that I can’t understand why there aren’t any book reviews for it on Amazon.

Macmillan goes beyond just talking about genes in explaining boy behavior. She dives into boy communication, emotions, behavior, and takes a good look at environmental influences on behavior, including the impact of the mother-son dynamic. In simple language, Macmillian provides refreshing tips and solutions for bringing out the best in a boy.

The short discussion on “Mothers and Sons”–a combo talk on genetics, socialization, psychology–alone is worth grabbing a copy of the book. If anything, as food for thought. For example, MacMillan outlines three common mistakes mothers can make with boys:

1. Mishandling hurt feelings. Mothers tend to stress feelings, “their [own] feelings” (e.g., “you will hurt my feelings” if…) when dealing with misbehavior, and young boys may be less capable of empathizing with their mothers because of their need to preserve the ego.

2. Underestimating independence. Mothers are sometimes over-eager to help. This can backfire, especially when a boy misbehaves and mom wants to “improve” his behavior.

3. Betraying trust. Macmillian suggests that thoughtless comments or actions which betray trust, and might be more easily forgiven by a girl, can contribute to lasting trust issues for boys.

This book suggests that there is indeed something behind the expression boys will be boys–and in the long run it may prove worthwhile to understand why, especially if it leads to bringing out the best in a child.

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With three children, I realize it’s likely that I’ll hear the C word–CAVITY–uttered from a dentist sometime before the nest empties. After all, research shows that 79 percent of children will have a cavity by age 17. But even with this dark statistic, I know that with regular brushing, there is still hope for avoiding drills or lasers.

Thankfully, in my household, my children love to brush their teeth. Not that I’m bragging, but I’ve yet to experience a battle. But, I realize this is not the case for many families. Often there is a lot of fuss around the toothbrush. Some parents make up jolly “brushy-brushy” songs, as a way to convince little ones to brush. Some simply let their children (usually toddlers) chew on a toothbrush while mirroring brushing technique in front of them. Some parents use sticker charts as incentives. Some even play dentist, taking turns brushing each others’ teeth. Some buy gigantic toothbrushes and oversized, plastic teeth for the playroom. Some resort to bribery.

While there is certainly no substitute for good hygiene and developing positive brushing habits, a researcher at UCLA has come up with a lollipop solution to cavities. Apparently the “candy” combines ancient Eastern medicine and cutting-edge technology to create a cavity combating, kid-friendly answer to preventing cavities.

I’m surprised to think that the lollipop concept is new. But from a parenting perspective, it does sound like a brilliant idea–provided the lollipops actually taste yummy.

What do you think? Would you buy anti-cavity lollipops? Do you think these lollipops send the “wrong” message about candy?

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Yet another important milestone has been reached in my household.  My toddler is now officially afraid of the dark.  Just because this fear is natural, doesn’t mean it’s an easy one to handle–for my toddler or me.  It’s distressing to see your little one afraid–and maybe even more so to know that all the reassurance you provide isn’t quite enough to forever quash the fear–that it will likely resurface again tomorrow night.  And once again, the bedtime routine will include combing the bedroom for monsters and “spooksie” things. 

At this age, being afraid of the dark is said to be completely normal.  The bittersweet part, though, is that this new fear signals that my toddler is growing up.  He’s coming to better understand the world around him.

Beyond listening to my toddler and acknowledging his fears, I find it useful to pull out two secret weapons:  a night light and a flashlight.  Ensuring a night light is plugged in is part of the bedtime drill now, as is giving my toddler a flashlight to bring along into the bed–apparently a flashlight makes hiding under the covers more fun.

What tricks do you have up your sleeve for helping children conquer their fear of the dark?

I think I made a huge mistake giving my toddler a chunk of brownie this afternoon before heading to the grocery store. Tsk, tsk!  The trip lasted about fifteen minutes.  I spent the entire time saying all the things a mom says (and all the things a Mom usually dreads saying), including “no” and “please, don’t touch” a zillion times.  And, yes, that included “no” to gum, candy, and those holiday trinkets in the checkout aisle (hey, Santa’s on his way with a bunch of beautiful, quality goodies!). 

Thankfully, Anita Renfroe’s Mom Overture is the perfect video clip to watch to remind me to find the humor in parenting.  If you haven’t checked it out, it’s sure to make you laugh, too–and then send you running to hug your little one. 

Really, it’s never too early to learn a language.  I know.  My little ones are hooked on learning Spanish.  Sure, Dora the Explorer or Diego probably have a little bit to do with it–at least with getting them interested in the language in the first place.

Seriously, though, when sports and activities sign-ups roll around, my kids *beg* for Spanish classes.  As far as I’m concerned, that’s a great thing, especially since studies suggest that the child brain is incredibly receptive to learning a foreign language. 

Language classes are a great way to help a child acquire a second language.  But classes aren’t the only ticket to picking up another language. 

Here are five ways to help your child learn a language: 

1.  Play language CDs–even music in the language.  Play the CDs in the car.  Around the house.  Play them during pregnancy.  Play them during infancy.  The sooner you start, the better. 

2.  Find learning aids.  There are so many products on the market today designed to help language acquisition.  Flashcards.  Games.  CDs.  DVDs.  Podcasts. Talking Toys. 

3.  Label your house in the foreign language.  Label the refrigerator.  Label your furniture.  Label your children’s toys.  Make reference to these items in the language and watch your child’s vocabulary grow.

4.  Have fun!  When learning is fun, your child will only crave more.         

5.  Of course, total immersion is probably the fastest–and maybe even the best–way to pick up a second language.  But not many of us can simply pack up and move to another country!

Does your child speak more than one language?  If so, at what age did they start learning the language, and how did you go about teaching your child the language?

My preschooler learned a new word at school.  Mean.  I had hoped she wouldn’t come to know the definition of the word so soon.  But now that she understands the meaning, her use of the word ”mean” is growing in frequency. 

I’m starting to think bringing home lice would have been better. 

At first, a boy in the class was mean.  Then a visiting child was mean.  Another child was said to be mean because she didn’t want to play.  Now my preschooler says her sibling is mean.  For taking her first choice crayon color.  For eating the last piece of candy (even though she ate much more than her fair share).  For doing something first, like getting to the bathroom sink when it’s time to brush teeth. 

There’s no doubt, addressing ”mean” behavior and ensuring a safe, healthy environment takes top priority on the parenting scale, but what happens when “mean” descriptor is overused?  And why are kids mean in the first place?

My gut instinct tells me that the word is popular with my preschooler because it’s a new word–a new concept.  She finally has a label to attach to a particular behavior.  I’m also guessing that she’s attaching the word to behaviors for which she doesn’t yet know of other descriptors or doesn’t yet fully understand emotionally–like jealousy. 

But, I also venture to guess that she’s hearing the word a lot at school.  Maybe, too much.  I’ve even heard the word mentioned in conversation by two mothers.  It was also used by two of my child’s playmates, on separate play dates. 

So, why are kids mean in the first place?  One theory is that kids model the behavior they see at home.  Other theories include lack of discipline or setting of boundaries, exposure to violence, including on television, and absent or disinterested parents or adult figures.

There are plenty of terrific resources out there to help steer children away from “mean” behavior–and toward healthy emotional expression, including books like 1-2-3 Magic or Supernanny, online parenting courses, podcasts, and community education programs.  Some schools even offer parenting classes or awareness seminars on unwanted behaviors, like bullying.

Parental involvement can go a long way toward stemming aggressive behavior.  That saying that it’s about ”quality of time” spent with kids holds true.  Even time or cash strapped parents can make amazing contributions to a child’s development.  Taking time to do projects or activities with a child–playing a game, going for a walk, baking dinner together, talking, or reading a book–has the potential to transform mean kids into loving ones, and maybe even make for less “mean” talk at home.